i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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