So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
