And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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