; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
