I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
