Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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