seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
