it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
PANTIES FOUND
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
