quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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