then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
