She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
