butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
