Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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