I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
