I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
