theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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