I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
