I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
