i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
