At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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