I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
