How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
