I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
