I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
