speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
