Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
