omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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