White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
