I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
