There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
