Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
