I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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