the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
