I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
