I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
