At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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