I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
