I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
