Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
