yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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