I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
