I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
