So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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