I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
