Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
