YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
