I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
