sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
