Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
