U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
