Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
