New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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