96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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