Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who died my cat blue again?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
