what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
