I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
