I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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