Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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